No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
