Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
