i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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