Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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