I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
