just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize