i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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