Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I forget how to act sober
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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