My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
