Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
