Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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