you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
