how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
