They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and she was petting her beer can
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
