A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
this is an emotional support booty call
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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