If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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