i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize