3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
