I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
