your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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