Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize