just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Be still, my beating vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
