kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
