She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He did a backflip because drugs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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