Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
