He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
