She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
