I love black thongs
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
