you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
