Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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