Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
