Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
