Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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