I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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