Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
