Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
