So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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