And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
