This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
