Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
