All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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