My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
