you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
