its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
