I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
