i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
