How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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