It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
