Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
