i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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