Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
