i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
