idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
