i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
