i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you have to choose: penises or morals?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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