So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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