I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
