He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
