used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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