I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will pee on everything he values.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
