i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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