So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
