One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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