i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
