You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
