tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize