She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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